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My last workout which I e mailed to you got me a lot of heat, not just literally, bit via cry baby e mails.
If you recall, I spoke about my workout with no water, and the garage door shut with the warehouse being hot as hell.
Because of all the complaints regarding how unsafe this is and that others will follow this and possibly hurt themselves I decided it is best to STOP training in such a dangerous manner.
I would HATE to see people getting mentally tougher.
I mean, now that I think about it, people are tough enough.
I will remove my article from the Blog, The Pussification of America.....
I will instead be part of the problem, as my "solutions" are too difficult and are life threatening.
I apologize if I ever caused you to sweat, strain or work outside your comfort zone. I must have been on strange drugs at the time, causing me to think and act in unsafe manners.
I apologize if I ever told you that sending text messages, checking your hair or popping zits in the mirror during your "workout" and in between sets of leg extensions was wrong.
Please - STOP working so hard. You will hurt yourself!
Squats are going to hurt your back and will ruin your knees!!!
The Bench Press will KILL your shoulders. I suggest using the smith machine and if the smith machine is not available then a GREAT substitute would be the pec deck machine.
If your gym does not have air conditioning, END your membership and find a gym that has air conditioning!
Do NOT be so insane or crazy to think that you can work out in temperatures greater than 70 degrees.
It is unsafe and unhealthy.
You will dehydrate and end up in the hospital.
If you are in high school and about to prepare for Football, have your parents organize a group and
write a letter to the principal, the superintendent of schools, the head coach and to the state regarding the need for air conditioning while training.
With double sessions approaching, you should be able to nap between workouts and have a perfectly balanced meal provided so you can optimally recover for the 2nd session of the day.
Water breaks should be given every 6 minutes and 24 seconds as this is the EXACT time your heart rate is likely to exceed 175 BPM which is EXTREMELY dangerous!
If the air temperature is beyond 84.6 degrees, organize your teammates and hold a "Player's Strike" demanding a day off as the heat can be too tough on the body AND your mind. YOU deserve BETTER!
After EVERY practice go to the trainer and get a deep tissue massage for 20 minutes, followed by a contrast shower, alternating hot / cold water every 30 seconds.
The towels provided to you should be 100% Egyptian Cotton and the ladies who pat you dry should be 5'10" with blonde hair, Scandinavian or Swedish for best results.
These rules should apply for ALL sports and ALL military.
Those of you who are Spec Ops in the Military, please have your Commanding Officer read this.
Print this out for him so he can read this daily.
During your long runs or specialty training missions through jungles there should be water stations set up and rest areas so you can replenish and rehydrate your body. This is EXACTLY what will happen during a REAL war and it is time to start preparing the RIGHT way!
Optimally, each water station should be 1.2 miles apart for best results. Every third water station should have a massage therapist on staff to massage your calves and feet to alleviate any discomfort or pain you may be experiencing.
The military will be moving away from REAL application and training in the REAL elements. Rather than jungle training the military will be renting NFL Football stadiums and creating mock Jungles.
The trees will be fake and the streams you cross will be created from high end pool manufacturers, loaded with deadly fish such as Guppies and Gold Fish. The snakes will not be poisonous, instead, they will be garter snakes, rented from local pet stores.
Wild Life will be rented from local pet shops and returned every night.
Soldiers in training will be allowed 1 break per every 45 minutes of training last no longer than 6.17 minutes
and no less than 3.12 minutes.
This will allow sufficient time to check facebook messages, check your e mail and call loved ones.
The Underground Strength Gym is closed as of June 20th, 2010. ALL equipment will be donated to the local scrap yard as our equipment has been deemed to dangerous for ALL people of the human race.
I can be reached for consultation at various gyms throughout NJ such as LA Fitness, Retro Fitness and Work Out World - I'm gonna keep Jersey Strong, brothers!
Lead from the front.
--Z--
PS: The websites which were formerly mine have been taken over by hostile foreigners and payments will be collected in person as opposed to credit cards.
I am NO longer responsible for the following web sites:
http://UndergroundStrengthCoach.com
http://GetWrestlingStrength.com
http://ZachEven-Esh.com will be revamped shortly as ALL articles and videos will be removed due to their life threatening methods
Please allow me to take this time to transition into my new position as a personal trainer at the various "Proper" gyms throughout NJ.
PPS: Please let the guy below know about these NEW rules so he can stop training so hard for Football. He is going to hurt himself but my REAL hope is that he HURTS YOU 🙂
25 Responses
Damn Z, you just made me ride the emotional roller coaster. I thought you were signing off for good, only to read your humorous(true) take on how Americans are living these days. Thanks for making me spit out my drink, now I will have to clean up this mess. haha
Keep that sick humor comming !
wow…an awesome article
Big Bad Z,
This is hilarious but sadly totally understandable considering the extensive epidemic of world-wide Pussification even as far as Northern Ireland where I manage a YMCA gym.
I am even very surprised that I myself have not died yet from training without air con during my lock-in sessions.
Yes, I said lock-in sessions!
Pussification and weakening of individual standards, extreme aversion to perspiration and working beyond borg scale 5 has lead to me and some of my compatriots to training outside of normal working hours so we can train hard, train without just ‘working out’, train to test and develop our bodies, mind and spirit.
During these sessions which might only be once a month we lock the doors when the gyms closed, turn off most of the lights (the ones above the cardio stuff) and turn up the stereo, knock off the air con and train like what some might consider mad men.
The outcome? Well none of us have died yet, in fact owing to these sessions of extreme training we have set new PRs, driven our thresholds of pain and endurance and had a dam good time doing it too.
Thanks to your ‘bad’ advice to ‘train’ ‘hard’ and with ‘intensity’ we are shunned by the pussification society of regular gym members and I am now considering the move forward of setting up my own underground gym, inspired by you.
From the deepest depths of my healthy heart I thank you sincerely for your bad advice.
Jamie Hunter
Belfast YMCA Powerlifting Club
Now I know your just kidding! Keep pumping the no rules shit Z f$#! All the rest who like their cowardly posh gyms… I had a client tell me how they took one of the workouts we did and did it at the globo gym they belong to and everyone was looking at them like they were crazy… these drones that float through life trying to conform to what seems normal are born losers… winners are forged, winners have to fight to win, winners have to work at winning… I hate, as a matter of fact loath,, people who are constantly making excuses… I try hard not to allow myself to make excuses… the world, and our community needs tough love… keep pumping fire and if your readers can’t stand the heat get the f%$k outta the kitchen!
My workouts are outside in the Alabama heat. We hit mid to upper nineties everyday of the week with high humidity. The workouts are tough and draining, but I thought that was the point. Drink more water! Stay strong and stay Underground.
WTF Z!? you cant quit man, f all those losers who are giving you static, they are just hting on you and others because we have what it takes and they never will. Keep up the good work, f the crybabies!
Amen Zach! God forbid someone actually works hard, sweats, and goes without water for a little bit during a training session. It’s a real shame most folks don’t know what it means to actually DO WORK!
Some folks just need to harden the F*** up!
Z,
Forget all the whiners man. I make my football guys workout without AC or a fan to acclimate them to the heat. This will help them in July and August. People need to toughen up man…this makes me sick!!
i love it z!
i got an email back to me the other day with some guy telling me to stop sending him “meat head” emails because he would NEVER train in a gym like mine (or yours) and the methods we choose to use are outdated and white trashy!!! ha ha.
i invited him down to my gym but he refused…
I don’t hate a lot of thing but:
1. I hate whiners.
2. I hate “gurus” that whine about what you “should” do or not do.
3. I hate people not going to the max in anything.
4. I hate people that do not live up to their potential.
I live in Ga. It gets hot here. I deal with it. Ran 12 miles once while training for a marathon around noon. No water. It was a choice.
My Saturday workout:
1000 Squats
1000 Push Ups
1000 Burpees
It sucked but in a good way. Took 2.5 hours.
I call it the “You Can’t Do This Workout” workout.
Dude your stuff is needed to maintain or encourage some manliness out there!!
http://jonesercise.wordpress.com/2010/06/20/you-cant-do-this-workout/
All the best!
bill
You had better fucking well be KIDDING, man.
’nuff said.
Best article EVER!!!
Awesome Zac
That is your best post by far…
Grant
Aus
Nice post Z. I left the globogyms and their candyass mentality a while back and have no regrets. I train outside on a concrete slab in my backyard. Winters are no problem since I live in Southern Nevada, summers get a little warm but that just makes the A/C in the house feel that much nicer once I’ve finished sweatin’ in the yard doing deadlifts, pullups, swings/snatches or whatever. Love the site. Keep up the good work.
Jon
I couldn’t agree more. My gym is an uninsulated garage that is sweltering in the summer and frigid in the winter. It has stained drywall, minimal lighting and everything I need to kick my own or anyone else’s ass. My neighbors all look at me funny, perhaps it’s the prowler, sled or heavy implements I carry. Either way, I love it and all it allows me to do to myself.
Today my son and I were dragging a sled after a pretty intense warmup. As I made the turn at 50 yds. I noticed my 17yo son laying down after doing his active rest. I yelled out, “GET UP” You’re not week and don’t allow anyone to view you that way. My son will thank me for that one day.
There is a reason some of are alpha males while other want to be alphas. We rule because we can and…. we do.
Awesome!! I love my garage gym in the Houston Heat. You always inspire…always.
Z….
u gave me one hell of a heart attack…. for one moment i thought u were serious…. hilarious post man… the underground’s the place for the best… let others tell whatever they want… the underground lives on…..
Hallo Zach,
einen Augenblick dachte ich, du meinst es ernst.
Bleib stark. Du bist eine Inspiration.
Grüße aus Deutschland
Mario
(50 Jahre, 33 Jahre Training, 1,63 m, 98 kg)
Hi Zach
Great post – I’ve got a vaguely related question – have broken a couple of ribs a couple of days ago and Dr has said to rest til healed (10 wks) and I have read similar on many other forums – this is not going to happen. As you train fighters I was hoping you had some advice on training round this as assume you have trained people with rib injuries before?
Thanks
Dan
Hey Zach ,
Have to say this is one of the coolest rants yet lol keep up the good work and stay strong
Ciaran
I guess you have to give everyone else a chance, right?
Hysterical. absolute riot, zach. I have to agree with you. Ive been out of commission with an injury for 2 months so im slowly trying to get back into it.( you know those doctors, “Do absolutely nothing for x number of weeks, not even swimming!” Oh well, the joy is in the journey, right? Stay strong Z
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Blaine
I couldn’t agree more. My gym is an uninsulated garage that is sweltering in the summer and frigid in the winter. It has stained drywall, minimal lighting and everything I need to kick my own or anyone else’s ass. My neighbors all look at me funny, perhaps it’s the prowler, sled or heavy implements I carry. Either way, I love it and all it allows me to do to myself.
Today my son and I were dragging a sled after a pretty intense warmup. As I made the turn at 50 yds. I noticed my 17yo son laying down after doing his active rest. I yelled out, “GET UP” You’re not week and don’t allow anyone to view you that way. My son will thank me for that one day.